Where's the Single Girl?

Yes I know, I'm a poor multi-blogger. If you've been missing me (assuming you've checked this one) I've been posting to my backinbangkok.blogspot.com blog.

I've been a bit bored on occassion at work, so turning to my friend the internet. Now (somewhat) removed from western culture, I find the fashion trends and makeuptrends and other such things quite interesting. Any makeup I wear here melts off before I get to work. For this entertainment, I of course go to women's websites, such as the MSN Women or ivillage, etc.

There are many message boards & articles available - a (Literally) virtual cornucopia of conflicting information.
An example: Should you go after him after he didn't return your phone call?
Answer One: Yes. There are numerous reasons why, don't over-react.
Answer Two: Face it, he's not that interested. Don't make a fool of yourself & move along.

So any advice you want on friendships, dating, marraige, motherhood, fitness, fashion, work, you can find it tenfold.

But notice I didn't list - 'being single' Where is the single girl? The one who stands up for herself? The one who faces her challenges & joys sans un homme? The one who enjoys her evenings alone with grace & finds laughter without a current love?

(To be fair, ivillage has a section on "single and loving it.' It is small and consists of basically one woman's opinion, but it's there. )

In an age when women (supposedly) do not have to identify themselves by the men in their life, why are the stories of single women silent?
Instead of 'what is he thinking?' how about 'is he a good choice for me if we can't communicate?'
Or, beyond love lives - instead of 'weight loss' how about 'healthy living' or 'the latest fashion trends you must have' what about 'clothes that look good on your body'

Perhaps its women trying to appear more than they are: as a woman 'dating' not 'single.' But why not single? Why define ourselves by a string of dates than be defined by ourselves, solo?
I'd rather be single than bored stiff before the main course arrives. I find a newspaper much better than conservation than a lot of men.

I just don't understand why the starting point isn't ourselves, as women, as people, as bundles of ideas and dreams and opinions. Then add men and stir.

All of a sudden, our clothes will fit better (we'd be more fashionable); our stress levels lower (once we stop second guessing if he really meant what he said or if he thinks he did but really he'll come around to see we are the one he really wants, really); so we'd have better skin; we'd feel better, look better, be better able to build relationships with those around us.

I'll have a lot of time to test this theory. Being a blonde girl in Thailand is far from glamourous. Bring on another stretch of singledom...weeee!

Lunch Hour People Watching

The beauty of this post is, like Seinfeld, its about nothing. Enjoy.

The scene: A food court in an underground plaza in downtown Winnipeg during lunch hour. There is the usual assortment of pseudo-ethnic foods, matching tables and flourescent lighting. There is an inner circle of tables, surrounding by a circular eating bar dotted with people dining alone and facing in. Beyond the perimeter are more tables, forgotten in the plans apparently.

These outside tables are full. People are respectfully paced (only sitting beside someone if you have to) at the eating bar. The inner circle is busy, but not full.
I'm sitting at the bar, like the others alone.

There is a man and woman at a table. He is leaning forward, making eye contact, smiling. Her face flirts back, but her body is defensive. Perhaps she is worried about the consequences of an office romance. Perhaps she is clueless. He's cute.

The din in the court seems louder than the actual conversation. No one is loud. Few actually speak. A lot of quiet company and intent eating.

Another man looks up and away while speaking to the woman across the table. Her eyes watch him intently.

Few people are laughing. Only at 2 tables are people smiling. Does anyone want to be here? in the company they are sharing lunch with? Is this a worktime duty, off the clock?

Matching the man's upturned gaze is a woman sharing her table with 2 other women. One speaks, gestering enthusiastically. The other woman silently sips her soup off the spoon.

The big table of 7 or 8 laughs. Their laughter raises the energy in the court briefly, like a spike. People notice, the don't look, but it registers.
The oldest man at the table leans back on the chair, reversing his arm over the back of the chair - confidently. The youngest man at the end of the table leans forward, physically placing his face in the conservation. Is he trying to hear? or be seen?

An old man across the inner circle is looking at me. He's people watching too, now he' sees me as a fellow watcher. He knows I know he knows. He doesnt' smile. He doesn't look away. He simply watches me. His white bushy eyebrows point at me. His nose a bit red, probably from a few extra scotches. Intently, he watches me watch. Do others see me as this creepy?

I think I'm ready to be released, doctor

Speaking of nutters...I think I'm not one afterall.

I know I have a tendancy to overthink my life, my personality, my relationships, ad infinitum. I do this regularly. Sometimes it's useful. Sometimes it's not. Usually I come to the same conclusions, or I think they are conclusions. I don't really want to 'conclude' anything about a life in progress.

I have a sense of the future now. Optimism you might call it. Like something great is going to happen, but you aren't sure what yet. It's beyond Bangkok (ooh! stay tuned for back-in-bangkok.blogspot.com) . It's a sense that a career out there exists that'd I'd be great at and love. It's a sense maybe my slacking love life might cue in one day. It's a sense that I have a great life waiting to surprise me and be molded by me. I actually feel excited.
I almost -almost- trust it. I almost -almost- see the defeat in the over self-analysis cycle.

I always thought of myself as a grand work in progress. As something to be studied, reflected upon, worked on, fixed. But maybe I'm actually ok. Sane in fact.

Maybe it's almost -almost- like I'm starting to trust my self. or believe.

Or that I"m bored at work and need more coffee.

A funny thing happened on the way to Sri Lanka

...I was told by the government I can't go. So I've been in Winnipeg waiting for a new assignment - which is.....Bangkok! Yup, I'm going back to Bangkok, Baby.

I've been living in a hostel, which is fascinating. No really. It is. I've never actually lived in a hostel - all sorts of people come and go here. Some are interesting travellers, some are nutters. Some are foreigners travelling our great land, others are Canadians traversing it like a curse. Most are nice & well intentioned, if crazy. Having some knowledge of Canadians, I notice most of the Canadians that are here fall neatly into the nutter category. After coming to this realization, I had a newfound respect for the owner - he can talk to all these people. It takes a unique combination of humour, patience and politeness. I have all three of these qualities, but not in the right mix I guess.
He can listen to the Crazy Woman's (she could be a Jim Carry character a la dumb & dumber, only shorter, older and, um, bigger) stories & laugh with her ramblings. When she starts off with "So Jen Deear, did I mention..." (in a nasally, squeally drawl). I politely answer questions with short reponses. The problem is when she follows me, but so far I've persistently reminded myself there must be something actually wrong with her, so I can't hit her.

So now I wonder if the people in hostels (maybe myself included) are the nutters of their respective countries. Foreigners share accomodation with Canada's crazies. Maybe we share with foreign crazies, but don't know it because we assume they are all like that....

Well, off for a bday with a beach. Not what I had in mind, but that's life, I suppose....

You Know You're in PG When...

You know you're in Prince George When..

1) The lady down the street has such a good mullet you think its a Halloween wig.
2) The lady at the airport beside you is wearing a Harley Davidson t-shirt with the matching belt buckle. all 3 sizes too small.
3) There are officially 50 000 trucks in a city (town) of 80 000.
4) People insist this is a city, not a town. And a big city at that.
5) Mergins means stop.
6) The doctor puts cocaine in your eye.
7) Its 13 degrees in July.
8) Its 32 degrees in July. Everyone complains and melts.
9) You packed a hoody. and wore it.
10) Its hard to find eggplant cause its 'exotic'
11) There are a zillion generic "asian" restaurants. Very few actually claim a country instead of the continent as a whole.
12) There is a sign at the University saying "moose in area. beware."
13) The Folk music festival features many latin acts.
14) Budwiser is the king of beers.

15) People actually look you in the eye when you walk by.
16) People often smile at strangers. Maybe even say Hello.
17) Even after losing many trees, there are still forests.
18) You don't have to drive to be in Nature.
19) The contents of recycle bins are actually recycled.
20) There's Canterbury Beer.

Well, that's the top 20. PG is a place of overly conservative values, resource based economies and overall hickism abound. I often wonder how I came from this little town.

There are subtle, underlying senses of self, of what I need to feel complete associated with growing up here. Nothing overt, nothing screaming PG! (Thankfully I do not own any harley clothing or merchandise) It is, I suppose, like other rural towns, where people have a sense of community, not self. Where people see people, not a person. Where a cocoon isn't necessary, but a forest is. Maybe this makes me naive, but hopefully it guards me again becoming another urban automoton. If I ever become that, hit me on the head with some PG, pine beatle-infested lumber.

10 Things Every Single Should Own - or - Why Lavalife Has it All Wrong

I my inbox this morning was an email from Lavalife. This isn't unusual. I signed up for the service last summer, but never went on a date. At most, I chatted with a few people online a little, usually ending in disappointment (ew, a realtor and proud of it). Usually, I ignored the smile from the 43 yr old icky guy or the couple looking for a little something 'extra.'

Aaaanyway, in addition to connecting singles stuck in the solitude of the big city, Lavalife also offers advice how to heat up your dating life and find 'the one' (again, ew). Although the advice is occassionally funny ("7 reasons to date a geek"), there is a desparate note that would doom anyone to a life of 43 yr old ickies. Case in point: 10 Things Every Single Should Own:

1) A mobile phone - so you're always reachable for that hot date.
no no no, who wants to be the person available at a moments notice? who wants to scream? please call me! I'll do whatever you want, whenever! I have nothing better to do!
Instead - call display, so you can weed out calls from the guy looking for his next wife instead of a date.

2)A Pair of Good Shoes - so you look well polished, groomed, blah blah.
no, no, no - you own a good pair of shoes so you look hot (heels) AND so you can keep up with your date. Unless you're going to sit for the entire date (booooring), get something you can walk in.

3) Great Underwear - they didn't say why, just specified no holes or animal print (they have that right)
wait - are we assuming the date gets to see the underwear on the first date? undies have little to do with the other person (seriously, do they really notice?). its about making yourself feel good. so go with what is comfy & make you feel hot. that way, even if you get stood up, you have the confidence -and shoes- to walk about and find a new date.

4) A killer outfit - similar reasons to above
they stress a slinky top or dress for women. real confidence is knowing you're bloody hot in a t-shirt & jeans. dare him to tell you otherwise. don't stoop to dressing like a sexpot to be sexy

5)A hot photo of yourself - for lavalife (and they claim confidence) purposes
try a mirror - far more useful and needed for many

6)A well stocked bar
since when are we in highschool & need to get the girl drunk?

7)A good makeout CD
since when are we assuming we want this person to know where we live? and, if we do, sitting in the basement listening to albums isn't quite the atmosphere to set.

8)A good cookbook (to make you seem in control, and save money on takeout)
how about being in control of your life? and having food? and again - how did this person get in my house?

9) A safe sex stash
cause we're begging for it -or- are players with a stash at hand. very important to own though

10) A good set of sheets - high thread counts are sexy
more important - how the sheets make you feel when you're alone in bed. don't be dirty. if you're happy in your own bed alone, that's how you be happy & comfortable with another person there.

What lavalife forgets is their website is full of wierdos. Ok, I'll be nice. Maybe the wierdos would be very happy together. But this advice will not turn people into confident, stepping-out, happening singles. Instead, it will make a lovely barbie or ken doll who can look the part - in a desparate kind of way. which is obviously important. good god.

Everything in Circles

I have some great news! Admittedly, good news is a little rare this year & its a biggun. The International Institute for Sustainable Development (IISD) chose me for an internship in Sri Lanka.
Of course, I told about 3 people about this soon after I found out, and nearly everyone already knows. My circle of friends? check. My family circle? check. Acquaintences? almost all. News travels fast among these circles.

Also circular is my life. I just get settled & starting a good life in Guelph and bam! I'm starting the settling process again, only in Columbo. One chapter, my masters, closes (hopefully if I can get it done) and another, myinternship, opens. Again circles.

Everything good in life is round: apples, baseballs, round trips, the world, eyes, the sun...the list is endless. name me something great that isn't round. c'mon, I dare ya.

Maybe that's how we know our lives are going well, if there's a circular motion between beginnings and endings, comings and goings, we're doing well. I mean, if life is circular, then its round which means good. The alternative is a dead end life, or one moving in a straight, boring line to death. ew.
there, chew on that.